A Secret Pice of Me

  What makes this time in my life difficult is the fact that I have a soon to be ex husband who hasn't actually left us yet. What do I mean by that you may wonder... and rightfully so. Well he comes over whenever and does whatever or whomever (me) he wants to. Whenever he sees fit. And I of course allow this because I feel if I do not, he will leave me for good.  So I am stuck in between a separation and a divorce. Loneliness and companionship. A love hate relationship? married and separated without actually being either of those things. I hate the fact that I still have feelings for him at all and nowhere or into no one to place them. I hate the fact that he talks to "her" infront of me, and he thinks its funny, I hate the fact that he touches me and I melt like putty in his hands. I hate him! I feel as though I am stuck in marriage limbo , and until he lays down with someone else I am forever in this limbo.  But what then follows? Do I want the freedom I believe to be ...

  part 1. The beginning of the End of "US"  These will be a series or short story of MY truth, a separation from the one man I ever deeply loved and was naive to believe we would be forever together.  It happened. The dawn of a new day brought me to my knees in more ways then one. How could he betray me this way how could he to this to his family. It all started 2 winters ago. When I lost my mother and was not allowed to grieve that loss. He told me he was afraid of losing me to the depression. He was desperate for me not to turn into my mother. She was an abuser of her medication. She had many spells. I walked in on her trying to take her own life many times. I of course stopped her. But I digress, when i met my husband back in 2014 I knew I could not allow myself to love this man the way I have loved in the past. I wanted so desperately to maintain the control in this relationship, but I found that I had none whatsoever. In the end it was he that held the key to my hear...