Expanding Our Family 2016

           A New Marriage and New Addition 

   It's now 2016, A few things, about my new, found relationship with Gerardo, 1 he tends to be very sweet but then when I think all is right with the world he pulls an "I think we need space" card..why he does this is beyond me. I feel like we are doing very good we get along great and we have the best sex all the time and everywhere. Since I don't have a place yet, after living with my mom for the past 2 or 3 months. We don't have a lot of options on where. We sometimes stay at his place, but he lives with his parents and one of his sisters.

I met his family during the first week of our dating on October 17 2014 which was at his birthday party. His mother was very nice to me, and 2 sisters Maria, and Lidia were my age. I felt ok enough there. We were inseparable and very in love we were kissing and holding each other I felt like it was too much PDA but he loved it 🥰. 

 This is my main reason for disbelief when he says he needs space. I just don't understand and when I asked him why he says it's because he wants to see if he misses me..😒 WHAT?! I just did not understand. So when I would give him the space he wanted I couldn't stay away I missed him too much. this was my problem with my marriage I needed to learn to let go of people who didn't want to hold on to me. Self-worth what little I had of it was in the toilet 🚽 

And the timing of it was always when I was at the office and couldn't call him or text him to talk to him to try and find out why or what I did to make him want space. That I think was the worst part of it, at the time my job was cracking down on cell phone use and having them out at the desk, so when he did text me these things I felt trapped and unable to communicate with him properly, and that's why he did it that way.

 So he would text and say he needed space, because my life was too complicated, and he wanted to see what "life would be like without me". The final time he did this to me I had, had it!! I went to my mother and asked her what should I do I love him but I didn't want to allow him to treat me this way I deserve better and I didn't want to feel this way anymore. So she said to me "When he asks you for space do you phone him or text him?" I said "Well yes all the time until he texts me back which sometimes took hours and made me feel unimportant to him" so she said "don't text or call him at all if he wants you he will call you" I said "I don't know if I can I miss him a lot" She said" do you want to be with him?" I said 

"Yes of course " then she said, "Then don't call him or text him if he wants to be with you he will call" ☎️ 

That was the hardest thing, not calling. But thank goodness it didn't last long, he was at my door that very evening!😏 It worked! I was so happy, but I didn't express it in front of him. I asked him what he was doing at my house, and he said "You don't want to see me?" You know he was playing games and that was not what I was in the mood for. So I said "Yes but you needed space to remember" And we went back and forth I was trying to get him to admit why he was there, finally he did. And I asked him if he still needed space and he said no. I told him enough of that crap, I wasn't playing that game anymore whether he was with me or not, and to choose. He said he wanted to be with me, and that was the end of that. For a time. 

After a few weeks again he broke up with me, He said he wanted to be friends and nothing else, but I ended up changing his mind and getting him to make love to me on a regular basis. I knew he loved me because of the way he was with me in bed. Then one night he said he loved me, during sex, and I know he did, after that I knew we would be together again. 

 After a week or so, I started going out again with my friends to the club where he happened to work as a bartender, every weekend he would tell me to let him know when I was at the door so he could let me in I would kiss him on the cheek and walk past him and dance with other guys, I was never interested in. But I knew if I wanted him back he would have to see me with another man. One night I let myself get so drunk I could stand up, I knew if he loved me he would come and rescue me, it was a gamble. But I had to do it for real to see if he would come to me. And he did, he took me from my BFF Jess and she yelled at him that it was too early and he wasn't with me so why was he taking me.

 He looked me in the eyes and said "Come your leaving now with me" And I knew then, as drunk as I was that he loved me for real. I had the last argument I would have with him, about leaving me all the time. I had my own place and he was still not staying with me and I had been living alone for 2 weeks or more, and I felt like he didn't care about leaving me alone like that I said I had it with men leaving me just like my ex-husband!! and I cried hard for it. Then he took me back to my place and never moved out after that. He did feel pressure from his nephew because he missed him so one night he went back to his moms for the night, when he got there it was already late and his nephew was sleeping then he called me and said he wanted to come back and never leave I told him I would see him tomorrow and he could come back then, after that we never separated again.

Since he moved in we have been living in bliss, my three kids come over almost every day and he comes home every night, we are so in love and the children love him too!! I picked him right this time. When he is not with me he is thinking about me and I am thinking about him, even though I ended up losing my good job at the insurance company, because of his antics. I found living at home right now is what I needed to heal since I haven't truly yet. There is so much trauma from my soon-to-be ex-husband. And my fiancé wants to marry me as soon as possible!! I just want to breathe with him for a minute.🔥🌪☺️

Ater my divorce form that horrible man, me and Gerardo planed our wedding. We first went down and got married at the court house that next day!! He didn't want to wait anymore, after that about a week later he arranged for us to have a small ceremony with his family and a few of my friends those who could make it last minute that is. i was not to happy with the out coje buyt i got grate pictures and we were 😃 happy. He said we do it over, I said yes once I lose weight at least 100 lbs then we can redo our wedding. For now I am and always will be(god willing) Mrs Garica

 Since I remarried I have moved a total of 3 times, so far. The Frist time we moved, it was into my frist apartment. Which was intended to accommodate only my Childen and me. It was a 2 bedroom, no basement no garage. But then at that time boyfriend, who did not want to move in with me the first few nights, I stayed there. So we quickly outgrew it when he did move in. The 2end time was to move out of my frist apartment. We moved to the west side of Columbus and moved out faster than you could say ''welcome home'' which was because we both agreed even though it was a nice big house. It was too far from home. It was about 25 minutes. Without traffic. We were miserable there. The 3rd time was in our current home, which my husband is happy at. However, it does not accommodate my three children and the one on the way. 

  Even thought it is a 3 bedroom. And we have a garage, but I still need to be able to utilize my basement. Which is unfinished, and therefore unusable. I always thought from the beginning that it was a temporary house and not a home. Because I knew that the husband would want to expand our family. And I just had to get our own place since we were living with my in-laws for a short time. 

 I was not a happy person, I don't like sharing my living space. Not even with my Mother. Although at this time she has been doing well as far as listening to me goes. I and the husband have been considering taking her in since the baby is coming and I will need all the help possible since I will be Brest feeding. If she proves to be a help then it will be worth it. 

  So being that I am so deep into this pregnancy, I am afraid that I have run out of time to search for a new place. I also feel that the husband's new business although off to a great start needs work and takes money.   

And being that there's still so much I want to be added to a house until I call it home, is just adding so much pressure to the fact that we...1 don't have enough money for the life I want...at this particular time, and 2 the baby is literally right around the corner. So to house hunt or not to house hunt....that is the question. And at this time is that I am currently in Nebraska, I just don't have an answer and it's killing me. And I can't ask my Mother because she has never been a good source to rely on. And being outcasted from my congregation because of my divorce. I can't ask my godfather or my godmother at this time either. I'm just on my own with this. I am hopeful that God will answer my prayers and send me a sign.

  

  With all of the moving that would be involved in this, is just absolutely, just too much right now. I can't even process the amount of time that this would take. And also all of this would take away from the baby. Attention wise. And I'm literally alone right now. And that is my fault I'm not putting this on anyone else, but that doesn't make this any easier either. I am working on my ...what I like to call ''situation'' and I believe I will once again be in the good graces of my congregation very soon. See just to explain a little about my congregation, the way it works is just a little different from others.

  If you sin knowingly, you have to confess to God through a group of elders they will listen to you as you confess, and then, by following the knowledge of the bible, they decide whether your sin is grave enough to outcast you or disfellowship you form the rest of the Congregation. According to the bible, the house of God must always remain clean. And when I sinned knowingly and for almost a year, I was then considered unclean. And so I accepted the consequences of my actions and now I must prove to God, that I want to live according to his will. And lead a clean life with my husband. Which is what I want more than anything. But to be a Christine takes Sacrifice, you have to uphold a certain lifestyle, that has standards, that this world and most of the people in it can not do. Or find it too demanding. But I believe that the correct road to take is not easy. That which is worth fighting for is worth everything to me. 

  So to house hunt or not to house hunt??? There I so much going on that makes the decision a difficult 😥 one. But I also know I will be happier in a better place. I have been looking for a new place the same way I always do. Which is on Craigslist. I have found almost all of my houses that way. But the issue is that I am in Nebraska!! And therefore, unable to search in person. But I have made a call, and it is out of our price range, but hopefully, I'll find something soon. I'm making the decision to go ahead and look, but I am leaving it to God, to show me the way. If it is to be, then it will be. I'll be giving myself a cut-off date of August 15inth, to find the house. If I don't by then, we will be staying where we are for the next year.

  I'll always remain hopeful things will work out for the best of the Family. So we'll see...I want a new life with our new baby and peace of mind with my forever mate.

Have courage and BE KIND.